millari: (Mess_With_Us)
[personal profile] millari
So my absolute favorite t.v. character ever Felix Gaeta died last week at the culmination of an amazing two-episode arc of Battlstar Galactica. I was expecting Felix's death to come this season, but I was not expecting Felix to not die a hero. At the very least, I was expecting him to die in some quiet, goodly way.

I am not happy that Felix died in essentially a villain role that will make a lot of BSG fans who never bothered to pay attention to the nuances of his character despise him and say 'good riddance'. I am not happy that he gave his life so that Adama and Roslin could be even more of a diumvirate (sic). I am not happy that Adama and Roslin will probably remember Felix Gaeta as evil without nuance, and will completely forget and discount the self-sacrificing devotion he showed them for the last seven years. As much as I have liked her over the years as a character, I am not happy that in the continuity of the BSG 'verse, Kara Thrace especially - who treated him so terribly ever since the Circle and has never shown any remorse about it - will survive Felix and live on to besmirch his name as a traitor, a coward and whatever other horribly un-PC name she can think to call him.

However, I am happy that the writers *did* seem to take lemons and make beautiful lemonade with the story arc they'd decided for whatever reason had to happen. Upon seeing "A Disquiet Follows My Soul," I was afraid they were about to turn my character's genuine misgivings about the Cylon alliance into a whiny, naysaying rant that would be discounted by the other heroic characters as bitchy sour grapes. But "The Oath" and "Blood on the Scales" did a lot of things that I loved.

I got to see Felix Gaeta being the clever, competent leader I always knew he could be if anyone had ever given him the chance to try it. Not only that, but Bill frakking Adama - who has never given Felix the kind of slack or credit he's always given his favorites - got to see Felix lead the Galactica almost flawlessly, even as Adama's allies were doing their best to take him down. I am also happy that Felix's well-meaning heart shone through in everything he did, even when he was desperately trying to tamp down his heart so he could make terrible decisions he knew he had to make in order for his mutiny to succeed. And I couldn't be anything but happy with how the writers resolved Felix's relationship with Gaius Baltar. Throughout "Blood on the Scales", to the very end at his execution, Felix retained his dignity, if not always his ideals.

Of course, if you know me, you know that I have to devote an independent paragraph to the subject of Gaius and Felix's last meeting. After Gaius spectacularly misjudging Felix's motives in their phone call during "The Oath", it was such a relief to see the loquacious, self-centered Gaius Baltar actually sitting and listening to this man who throughout this show, has almost never been allowed to speak his mind on anything more personal than the best way to jump the Galactica. If you think about it, except for in "The Final Cut" Felix has always had to take the floor by force for anyone to know his personal feelings on anything, and the person he has consistently wanted most to hear him has been Gaius Baltar. It is not surprising that once again, Felix had to resort to force to be heard, and it is not at all surprising that ultimately, he asked Gaius to be the one to listen. What was surprising was that Gaius finally grew up enough to give Felix that. It's all my shippery heart has ever really wanted for these two in canon, even if I did have to get it at the very last minute and in a tear-my-heart-out kind of way. I'm not happy that Felix is dead, but if I couldn't have him alive, it is actually a great comfort to have seen him die with a sense of peace at finally getting to be heard and understood and validated for the good person he tried so hard to be to the very end. If he had died right after that moment with Zarek and the corpses of the Quorum around them, hating the person he'd become, I would have had to go around smashing things. But he didn't. He got cigarettes with Gaius Baltar. But more than that, he got an equal footing with this man, for the first time ever. He got remorse and true friendship from Gaius, the kind that steps up and witnesses something as horrible as your own execution for you, because you are cared about that much. I think Felix and I were equally satisfied with that.

Ok, that being said, there is still a part of me that is angry that he's dead and that other people who deserved death just as much if not more are still alive. I have moments where I'm quite torn because I get astoundingly angry that Felix Gaeta - who saved all their asses countless times, who looked out for other people, who was loyal and generous and believed in the goodness of people to his own detriment - is dead, and Gaius Baltar - who has spent almost the entire series unwilling to admit *even to himself* that he has the blood of billions of people on his hands and thinking primarily of himself - is not.

So even though I've been incredibly busy with work and with going to New York Comic Con last weekend and therefore have had no time to process my grief over losing my beloved character with you all, I have been thinking about it all week. I've been keeping a piece of scrap paper around with a running list of things I really want to see happen regarding Felix Gaeta before the series run ends.

I know I won't get a lot of them, maybe not even any of them. But I feel a need to make this list anyway:

1. I want someone to mention his name.
I don't expect that Adama or Roslin are ever going to speak of Felix again with any sense of remorse or even understanding. But if Felix is never mentioned again, by anyone, especially Baltar, I'll be kind of annoyed. Just because you decided to make him a villain, don't disappear him, BSG! [livejournal.com profile] falafel_musings wrote a story here that I haven't had a chance to comment to yet (partly because it broke me up so much, I couldn't imagine trying to be analytical about it just yet) in which Baltar mentions that Felix Gaeta was a good man who saved the Fleet time and time again, and yet now, the history books will only remember him as a traitor. I hadn't thought of that until I read that line, and once I did, the idea totally gutted me. So I want someone to remember Felix Gaeta in the aftermath of his death, and even if they don't agree with the choices he made, I want people to acknowledge how important he was to the CIC, or what a well-meaning soul he was.

Someone showing some remorse that they never really paid attention to Felix when he needed it and maybe if they had, things would have been different would also get you bonus points, BSG, but I won't hold my breath. Hell, even showing someone hanging on to his dog tags would be nice.

2. I want a moment of discomfort at moving on. Someone is going to have to take Felix's job now that he's dead. I strongly suspect that it'll be Hoshi. Now, even though in the regular episodes, Louis was not Felix's lover, he was calling him "Felix" in "Blood on the Scales", which suggests a certain amount of intimacy, if only friendship-based. So Louis should feel Felix's loss in some way, even if he's conflicted about his friend having turned traitor. So if Adama tells Louis to become the new DRADIS guy, or even the new navigator, I want to see at least a moment of Louis having some weirdness about that. It's okay if it's just a look, like he did when he took over Dee's post. But I want some acknowledgement that taking over Felix's job is strange, and by no means a walk in the park.

3. There needs to be some disruption, even minor, in the normal CIC proceedings because of Felix's absence. I want his loss felt by Adama. Begrudgingly is even okay, but I want Felix's death to have an impact on them.

4. I want some evidence that Gaius is thinking about Felix between now and the end of the series. Of course, we haven't really got that for Dee, not even from her frakking husband, so I probably shouldn't hold my breath. If I don't get it, I'll probably just go back and read [livejournal.com profile] falafel_musings's story again. :/

5. I want to see someone put Felix's picture on the Memorial Wall. Yes, I know they all think of him as a traitor now, but for seven years, he did nothing but selflessly give of himself to the Fleet and to his military brethren. And I suspect that he consistently worried that he wasn't giving enough. Extra super bonus points, RDM, if we see Baltar sifting through a box of Felix's personal effects, but again, I won't be holding my breath.

I'm torn between whether I want the person who puts up Felix's picture to be Adama or Baltar. I want Adama to do it because I want to see that it cost him something of his soul to kill one of his CIC kids. I don't want to see more bilious anger at Felix from Adama, because damnit, he not only ignored Felix and the Fleet's genuinely convincing concerns about the Cylon alliance, he shut Felix down from speaking on the matter at all, and forced Felix into this desperation move. He is on some level, very culpable in this mutiny happening. But on the other hand, I'm still so angry at Adama right now for not extending the kind of forgiveness to Felix that he has to so many other mutineers, killers and other serious insubordinates (Hell, this is the man who voted to acquit Gaius Baltar, for Gods' sakes!). I feel like it might really enrage me to see Adama even touching Felix's photo right now.

Really, I feel that Baltar has slightly better odds of telling Felix's story in a dignified way at this point, assuming that Baltar's emotional growth arc doesn't backslide between now and the end of the series. If Gaius were to in some way make sure that Felix got a proper mourning among the Fleet that he loved so much he was willing to die to protect it, it would only be a tiny sliver of justice for Felix, but it would be something. Felix was always grateful when he got even something.

6. I want to discover one more thing about Felix that we never knew. It can be something incredibly minor, but I just want one more bittersweet dose of Felix Gaeta before I agree to say good bye to him completely.

7. I want a Felix flashback or a reboot when they reach the end of the series. I have already forgiven him his mistakes, but I feel like a flashback or a reboot would be an opportunity for Felix to be redeemed in the eyes of the characters. I'm not even sure how, but I'm clinging to this idea anyway.

8. I want to see evidence that Galactica is not going to be a happy family again now. Felix and Zarek didn't force everyone on ship to mutiny; the people were ripe for it. If nothing else good comes out of Felix's mutiny, it should be that somebody other than Lee Adama realize that there were real problems in how the Fleet was operating, and that people were not ready for a Cylon Alliance to be forced down their throats just because the Admiral said so.This all should not be instantly solved by executing Gaeta and Zarek. This was the lesson of Lee's speech at Baltar's trial - we can't purge everything that's wrong with us by pouring it all onto one man and then executing him.

9. I want them all to die at the end of the series. They can't go back to being the family they were. Earth is a wasteland. The ship is tearing itself apart, both figuratively and literally. There is no government left, save Laura Roslin and Lee Adama, and even together, they do not make anything but an inherently autocratic government with the military in lockstep (unless the military decides to stop going along and initiates an overt takeover, which is no better). They don't have time to put back together the Quorum, and frankly, the show has almost never portrayed the Quorum as anything other than spoiled, unrealistic, fickle children who don't understand the harsh realities that Fleet Mom and Dad do.

I can't see this show heading anywhere now besides a devolving end that at best, can culminate in sublime transcendence in an afterlife or alternate dimension where at long last, our weary travelers get to rest and maybe even be reunited with those that they've lost along the way, with old scores and estrangements settled and peace finally earned. I could take a lot of comfort in the thought that Felix's mutiny helped accelerate the journey to that satisfying end. Alternately, if they're not going to give me something like that, then maybe I just want them all to die so that I don't have to watch other undeserving characters live to triumph at the end of their journey while Felix, who so rarely ever gave a thought to himself, languishes in ignoble death, never to be spoke of again.

I know it's a long-delayed reaction and you guys are probably kind of beyond this point now, but thanks for listening.

Date: 2009-02-13 08:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rap541.livejournal.com
Good rant.

Have you checked out my fixit fic? On gaetasquee exclusively? :)

Interestingly, Bill will need to call most of his crew traitors since most of them did mutiny. I'd like to see *that* acknowledged. Felix wasn't the only mad dog, so to speak, but Bill couldn't afford to execute them all... but what did he do?

my own opinion? Gaeta was wrong to commit mutiny because its a wrong act... but I don't see how his experiences in any way taught him that using his words and not his fists was the better answer. Gaeta followed the rules, and got frakked over. He doesn't follow the rules, and he gets frakked over.

Bill simply plays favorites. There's no way Tigh should be the XO right now... a commander who was thinking beyond his best pal would realise that. Bill should also be questioning Tigh's treason with Caprica Six. I mean, lets all remember that the Cylon XO is nailing the person who is named "Caprica" because she destroyed Caprica.

But more importantly wow has the writing turned into shit. I mean, ignore the nonsensical aspects of Felix's mutiny (there's a lot, to start with the utter reality that Gaeta is far more likely to blow his brains out and Dualla more likely to pull the mutiny card....) and just look at the freaking plot that has gone no where for some time now. Honestly, this is whY I stopped watching Lost, and I knew it was happening to BSG and I kept watching anyway... and I was right.

I'm quite positive the giant crack in the ship that Gaeta caused in the mutiny will cause everyone's deaths.

Date: 2009-02-14 12:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] millari.livejournal.com
Interestingly, Bill will need to call most of his crew traitors since most of them did mutiny. I'd like to see *that* acknowledged.

I KNOW. I really will be frustrated if they just go back to being a happy family, like none of that mutiny just happened. There's probably still bloodstains from poor Jaffe on the CIC floor!

my own opinion? Gaeta was wrong to commit mutiny because its a wrong act...

Well, I do believe that in very specific circumstances, mutiny and civil disobedience is not only justified, but the obligation of citizens, much like it says in the Declaration of Independence. But my jury's still out on whether or not Felix's mutiny quite made that test. But I do think that whether or not I agree with what Felix did, Bill Adama brought this upon himself. And you're right. If Tigh had been not in his circle of favorites, he would have kept him in the brig for a year like Sharon until he really felt he could trust him. I would think that Bill's thinking ought to change after Tigh slept with Caprica Six. Because it's not even a case of a flawed human giving in to an unexpected desire for the enemy. It's a Cylon frakking another Cylon. How is *that* not suspicious to a character like Adama, who for a long time consistently set aside all the helpful things Athena did for the Fleet, to the point where I think most of the viewers were on her side and not his? It's only because on some level, he's not accepting that Tigh is a Cylon in the same way that he's thought about Cylons all his life. And sure, Tigh isn't one of those Cylons, but really, there's no way that Bill Adama should know that. And to answer what you're saying about the writing, I don't think I'm as disgusted with it as you seem to be, but I do find it ridiculous that Adama can be all up in Saul's grill, spewing spittle at him, snarling Cylon at him, but also checking out of his leadership role, leaving the Cylon in charge.

I'm not sure I agree with you on the Felix and Dee analysis. I think in their earlier days, probably yes, but a lot had happened to them. And Felix did get very close to suicide once in the webisodes, as I'm sure you recall, but he pulled back from it. And I think that the mutiny was what he did to give his decision *not* to commit suicide a point. If he was going to keep himself alive, then he was going to stay alive for a good reason. He saw the mutiny as his way to save the Fleet. He clearly knew it might turn out like this. That's why he pushed Hoshi away. He was prepared for it. Dee I think was just tired, and I don't blame her. She's a very strong character, and so I can see why you'd think she'd mutiny rather than give in and commit suicide. But I think someone like that is strong until very suddenly they're not. Dee has been very longsuffering for a very long time, and I think she'd just had enough, and she committed suicide the way men often do - privately, irrevocably and with quiet resolution, after they've suffered silently for far too long.

Gaeta followed the rules, and got frakked over. He doesn't follow the rules, and he gets frakked over.

I so agree with you on this.

Honestly, this is why I stopped watching Lost, and I knew it was happening to BSG and I kept watching anyway... and I was right.

You know that fandom meme that was going around for a while, where you list how this fandom is like the guy you like to go on dates with, but will never get serious about, or this fandom's like the guy that you call at 3 am for a booty call? I had to make Lost my pretty, pretty boy toy who thinks he's all slick and mysterious and keeping me hanging, but really, I just keep him around for the hot body and to watch himself think he's such a player. :) BSG's writing has definitely gotten more loose-limbed, and I think that you're right that character development is sometimes sacrificed in service of plot twists or just to be shocking.

I'm quite positive the giant crack in the ship that Gaeta caused in the mutiny will cause everyone's deaths.

That would be interesting. But I point out that technically, Tyrol caused that giant crack in the ship. :)

Edited Date: 2009-02-14 12:32 am (UTC)

Date: 2009-02-13 09:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] airings.livejournal.com
*slow claps*

I just really, really, really want to punch Bill Adama. Hard.

Date: 2009-02-14 12:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] millari.livejournal.com
ME TOO, BB.

Love your icon, btw.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2009-02-14 12:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] millari.livejournal.com
Aww, I almost don't know what to say. I will always be thankful to AJ's performance for bringing me to fandom and indirectly giving me great friends I would have never found otherwise. Thank you for being such a dear friend over the last two years.

Date: 2009-02-13 09:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] danniisupernova.livejournal.com
Np.

I was waiting for your response. I loved that last scene and you KNOW how not a slasher I am. And just for that, here's a Boomer/Gaeta icon to give you hope for The Woods

Date: 2009-02-14 01:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] millari.livejournal.com
That's a lovely icon.

You liked that last scene with Gaius? Yeah, I just about died. I had been spoiled for part of that scene on the YWKTT clues, but not all of it, and not for the context in which it was broadcast. I was expecting to be kind of squee, not feel like my heart was being ripped out. :( Still, that scene *was* the only thing keeping me from staging a full-blown keening session in the middle of a hotel room in New York City, which would not have been so convenient.

Thanks for commenting.

Date: 2009-02-13 10:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] falafel-musings.livejournal.com
I've been waiting to hear your meta all week. I've felt a lot of closure since writing my eulogy fic (thank you so much for your kind remarks, so I'm pleased to hear it moved you) but I still have Felix yearnings of my own. I don't expect too much either, mostly because there are only six episodes left and there are a LOT of other BSG characters in need of consideration and closure. I do think there should be some reflection over Felix's loss if there is time for it. I still hope that Felix's mutiny holds some greater significance in the grand scheme of things. Since there isn't long to wait I'm prepared to sit tight and see this play out. Remember, we'll see Felix again in deleted scenes if nothing else. I hear there was a LOT of cut material from the last 3 eps.

Honestly, I don't give a crap what the fans who "don't bother to pay attention" think of Felix. I think it's part of the beauty of Felix's character that he is misunderstood by the masses, both within the show and within the fandom. It just makes me love him more. The Gaius/Felix scene was seriously beautiful and if fans didn't connect with the sentiment of that moment, it's their loss. The fact that Gaius might be the only person in the universe who knew who Felix was, coupled with the fact that Felix was content with Gaius's understanding alone, even with the rest of the universe against him - that makes my shipper heart sing, despite the tragedy. I never thought we'd see these two as friends again. More than that. I really felt like Gaius saying "I know who you are Felix" was another way of saying "I love you".

I think Gaius would probably feel as dismayed as you do that Felix was condemned to execution when he himself was spared. It's a cruel irony. But I think it's a good thing that Gaius thinks well of Felix. As they say, history is written by whoever is left standing, but I doubt that will be Adama and Roslin. I'd bet all my cubits on Gaius Baltar being the last man alive. The Opera House agrees with me.

Personally I'm not a fan of the 'heroic redemption death' trope. I think it's a cheap quick fix. I prefer to think Felix's redemption exists in the 100s of good services he did for humanity over the years. I find that more genuine than Felix suddenly pulling off some sweeping heroic gesture in the middle of such a dark collapse. I thought it was more realistic and moving to see his inner conflict - how his bind to Zarek, his love for Adama and his devotion to the people of the fleet - put impossible pressures on Felix's heart. I do think there was something beautiful and profound in Felix's surrender. Laura said that Felix "didn't have the guts" to jeapodise the fleet, but honestly I admire that Felix would choose his own execution before he chose a fight that could destroy what remains of humanity. I can see why Felix was "fine" with how things turned out, since he was spared from Zarek forcing him to kill people he loved, spared from jeapodising the fleet, spared from becoming the sort of corrupt leader that Felix himself has despised in the past. I think Felix finally stopped trying to save humanity and just left them to whatever end they'll ultimately get. Jacob at TWOP described Felix as "a little man who raged against mountains" and (for good or bad) I think that's a powerful thing to be. I love him for being that.

Anyway, I hope you find your own peace and closure. I've been through this shit before (with Charlie in Lost) and I'm taking it better this time. Though I still have the desire to fic. I'll be returning to my Gaius/Felix series soon, I promise.

Date: 2009-02-18 06:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] millari.livejournal.com
I'm sorry I took so long to respond to this. Things have been awfully busy lately between work and life.

Remember, we'll see Felix again in deleted scenes if nothing else. I hear there was a LOT of cut material from the last 3 eps.
I hadn't even thought of that until you mentioned it. I'll be really curious to see what they yield. But I really do want the mutiny to have some significance, because otherwise it just feels like pandering filler.

The fact that Gaius might be the only person in the universe who knew who Felix was, coupled with the fact that Felix was content with Gaius's understanding alone, even with the rest of the universe against him - that makes my shipper heart sing, despite the tragedy.
That scene was the saving grace of Felix's death to me, hands down, the only thing that stopped me from losing it. I was so amazed that it was even happening, and that Felix had obviously decided to forgive, and that Gaius was showing the remorse and affection for Felix that I've only ever thought we'd see in fanfic. And on top of that, it was just such a beautiful scene, even if you'd never thought of these two before.

I'd bet all my cubits on Gaius Baltar being the last man alive. The Opera House agrees with me.
This made me smile. I'll be really curious to see if Gaius mentions him ever again before the series ends. I hope he does, but even if he doesn't, my fanon heart can believe that he'll settle down one day and feel compelled to tell Felix Gaeta's story to the world. :)


I prefer to think Felix's redemption exists in the 100s of good services he did for humanity over the years. I find that more genuine than Felix suddenly pulling off some sweeping heroic gesture in the middle of such a dark collapse. I thought it was more realistic and moving to see his inner conflict - how his bind to Zarek, his love for Adama and his devotion to the people of the fleet - put impossible pressures on Felix's heart. I do think there was something beautiful and profound in Felix's surrender. Laura said that Felix "didn't have the guts" to jeapodise the fleet, but honestly I admire that Felix would choose his own execution before he chose a fight that could destroy what remains of humanity.
Oh, I totally agree with all this. There *was* something profound in Felix's surrender. He did seem dismayed, but relieved too, to have the horrible decisions finally taken out of his hand. He'd made his play and he'd done everything right except shut down his heart completely, and I too admire him for that. If one can get out of the trap of thinking of him as evil, once can see a lot of selflessness in Felix's choices. He gave up his lover for this mutiny, made himself commit acts of violence he didn't want to, hell, made himself live when he just wanted to fade into the oblivion of a morpha overdose. Even in rebelling against his commanding officers, he was still trying to selflessly do the best job he could.

You know? Frak Laura Roslin. I'm kind of out of sympathy for her at the moment. After seeing that scene with her and Lee in the aftermath of the Quorum, I feel like she has learned nothing. She makes me really angry lately.

This is my first experience in any fandom community, so this is my first character death. I have to say it's really weird to try and write Gaeta now. I wonder what will happen to the BSG fandom when the show goes off the air. I'm glad to hear that you plan to keep writing more of your Gaius/Felix fic. I really want to see it.

Thanks for commenting.

Date: 2009-02-18 12:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] falafel-musings.livejournal.com
In a sense, I think the mutiny could be significant AND futile at the same time. If you look at revolutions throughout history so many of them ARE futile. BSG has always done a fine job of portraying the dark destructive side of human nature and the tragedy that it leads to. It's a powerful thematic message. It doesn't mean it's a nice message. For me, Felix Gaeta is an emblem of what war can do to a good person. I think the purpose of his story is not heroism or redemption. The point is to break our hearts. On that level, Felix's arc is successful, even masterful. And as part of the fabric of BSG I think it represents the death of human idealism. Don't believe the human race will survive anymore.

I think if Felix's death had happened earlier there would have been more reflection, like there was refection on Cally's death. Now that there are only 5 episodes left I'll understand if they have to concentrate on other things. It's disappointing, but hopefully the mutiny arc will be fleshed out on DVD with deleted scenes (I've heard they might even give us extended episodes! *fingers crossed*) I have to appreciate that Gaeta was given such a major role in 4.5 and such a strong exit. I felt worse for poor Richard Hatch. It was his death scene too, but AJ's character was given all the attention and sympathy.

Yes, I'll be returning to my Gaius/Felix fic series soon. I'm glad I waited, because I've loads of new ideas now. I'd still love to hear your analysis of my Gaius wireless fic, but I understand if you're busy. Have you got any new Gaeta fics planned, either canon-based or AU?

Date: 2009-02-13 10:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cynthia-arrow.livejournal.com
If it means anything coming from a person who's always liked and was interested in the character but maybe hasn't been as invested in him as some, I didn't think he died a villain. I saw a man struggling with his idealism (and I'll still call it that, even though it had turned bitter--there were still big ideas there, about right and wrong, truth and justice). I saw idealism on the show die, a sign of the bleak world Ron and Co. will be leaving us with at the end. But I didn't see him turn into Tom Zarek. When he faced down the firing squad, I was proud of him. He was a hero to me. The only heroes the show has are flawed; he came out as a prime example. IMHO.

Date: 2009-02-18 06:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] millari.livejournal.com
Thanks for saying all this. I'm sorry I took so long to respond.

You're right, he still was about the big ideas. Idealism did seem to die with Felix. I shudder to think what the end will be like.

I have always loved your ficlets about Gaius and Felix on New Caprica, btw.

Date: 2009-02-14 12:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] daybreak777.livejournal.com
Oh rant! I am all about the rants this week. I'm glad I'm not the only one still angry. And hugs. *hugs* There is always pain behind rage. I know that feeling, I know it well.

It's all my shippery heart has ever really wanted for these two in canon, even if I did have to get it at the very last minute and in a tear-my-heart-out kind of way.
That's BSG. What they used to say on TWoP. Everything you want but in the worst way. I'm glad you got that scene, though. I was thinking of you the whole time. :-)

Gaius Baltar - who has spent almost the entire series unwilling to admit *even to himself* that he has the blood of billions of people on his hands and thinking primarily of himself - is not.
It is utterly unconscionable. And I can't even be mad directly at Baltar because he was human and there for Felix at the end. But I can be mad at . . . gosh I don't even know what anymore. I'm just mad.

Dogtags! *sniff* I want Gaius to have them. Who else deserves them?

Lee might put Felix's picture on the wall. Lee is all about the small objects. And Lee is going to change things, M. He might not succeed but someone has to try.

I want to see evidence that Galactica is not going to be a happy family again now.
Here's the thing. Even if Galactica tried to be a happy family now. (Which I don't think they will or it will work.) I am not happy with them anymore. I don't want them frakking happy. And I bet they want the audience to feel this way. To get us ready for the next step.

I want them all dead too. Not all of them but the mutineers. Gage has to die and die horribly. Maybe Caprica can kill him. Yes, that would be fitting. No, they can't all live happily ever after and forget Felix. No frakking way. This is the season of death, they better make good on that.

you guys are probably kind of beyond this point now, but thanks for listening.
I'm not past it. It will be a long while before I'm past it. I just thought others were moving on. And I have heard what others said about waiting until tonight for further judgment. Okay. But as much as I agree with you on most of these points, I am not holding my breath. I still have favorites on this show and I don't think it's going to end well for any of them. It's just the beginning. I'm almost afraid to watch.

Date: 2009-02-22 01:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] millari.livejournal.com
Hi hon. I'm so sorry that I didn't finish replying to my comments to this post and yours went unanswered.

Gaius Baltar - who has spent almost the entire series unwilling to admit *even to himself* that he has the blood of billions of people on his hands and thinking primarily of himself - is not.
It is utterly unconscionable. And I can't even be mad directly at Baltar because he was human and there for Felix at the end. But I can be mad at . . . gosh I don't even know what anymore. I'm just mad.

Yeah, even those it's been like two weeks now, I'm still mad every time I see Bill Adama on screen. He just drinks and snarls his way through practically every scene nowadays, and pops pills like Baltar used to on New Caprica. I think of Felix every time I see Bill drunk like that - "You are not the leader that you were when we started."

You know, I was just writing a review for the "Deadlock" and it occurred to me that Adama is falling apart. In a completely unsatisfying way, we are seeing Gaeta have the last laugh. It's killing Adama to put that Cylon goop in the ship. He can barely even be conscious to witness it.

I don't want them to be a happy family happy either. I so don't want them to be. I want them to all die at the end. They can exist in some alternate universe, that's fine, but there needs to be a reckoning.

Thanks for commenting.

Date: 2009-02-14 02:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lls-mutant.livejournal.com
Short comment because new episode in an hour.

-Agree. Want Adama to acknowledge.

-Want Hoshi awkwardness. has occurred to me that maybe the reason Hoshi worked out better is it adds to HOSHI'S storyline a bit.

-Heart totally broken.

-Want head!Felix.

Must go because Mom wants a game before 10. I feel some consolation that BOTH MY BOYS are dead (at the same time!!!) because there's nothing they can do this week that will gut me near as much.

Date: 2009-02-22 01:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] millari.livejournal.com
Sorry I never replied to this. I've been really absent from LJ lately. I was sad to see that there was absolutely NO awkwardness with Hoshi doing Felix's job. Grrr....

SPOILER:





Still want Head!Felix, but I'm beginning to tell myself that AJ made a counting error and isn't really going to be in next week's episode like everyone's thinking. I mean, maybe he'll be there in some way, but I need to tell myself this otherwise, I'll be very disappointed.

I was kind of glad that the Ellen resurrection episode was about something totally different so we didn't have to think about the mutiny too much. I didn't know what to make of Adama being all anti-Cylon about the work crew.

Thanks for commenting!

Date: 2009-02-22 02:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lls-mutant.livejournal.com
Yeah, I'm coming to the AJ made a counting error or stuff got shifted around in editing conclusion, too. If we were going to get head!Felix, it should have happened when we got head!Six.

It's really bugging me that they'll dance around the mutiny in dialogue, but no one has said Felix's name. The closest I've felt is it seemed like when Baltar was talking to Paula, he was saying all the things he realized he should have said to Felix.

But would it kill them to do an exit interview with AJ?

I'm still so glad they gave him this plotline, though and so glad he went out with Zarek. I don't care what Ron Moore says, Zarek was an idealist who was willing to use any means to try to achieve his visions. And he and Gaeta so belonged in a plotline together, because in a sense they're the same man at different points in their lives. Gaeta had made decisions that could have made him become what Zarek is now, and I still like the notion that Zarek looked at Gaeta and saw himself back before he was backed into a corner and violence was his only option.

It's worth saying, though, that this "filler" (if it was, and given how little reaction to the mutiny we've really seen, I'm starting to believe it) broke my heart much more than the Cylon stuff the past two episodes.

Date: 2009-02-16 03:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] morlock.livejournal.com
something that really hit me about this episode was the end...when his leg stopped hurting. it made me realize how lucky we are to have this show thats so filled with metaphor, simile, and allusions. thats so rare to find on actual tv - content that makes you think, that references other works of art, and that creates a silver strand connecting seemingly dispirit occasions to make this really....satisfying thing.

when he touched his leg, he had this look of realization (and frankly relief) that i haven't seen on him since maybe the first season. he could finally rest, and he was finally doing the right thing. i thought it was one of the best ways to send him off. not as a villain (which really i never thought they made him into an E-VILE MANIAC like zarek) but as someone who was trying to do what was right and accepted his fate for doing so. i think he was prepared to die for this cause since zarek killed the deck chief so casually. it was a signal that, yeah, this was happening, and yes i probably won't get out of this alive.
----------------------

the preceding comment was made under the influence of cough meds, and i realize it might not make sense to those of you reading that are not under the influence of some sort of drug.

Date: 2009-02-22 05:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] millari.livejournal.com
the preceding comment was made under the influence of cough meds, and i realize it might not make sense to those of you reading that are not under the influence of some sort of drug

Nah, I think it was an awesome comment. I'm sorry I took so long to reply to it. I feel a bit ridiculous saying it, but it's been kind of painful to talk about Felix dying, because it ultimately felt really unfair to me, when taken in context of the whole series. But I do agree with you. He did look relieved at finally getting to rest with the knowledge that he'd followed his conscience and had no regrets, unlike so many other times. I think he'd be a bit crushed if he saw what has happened in the aftermath to Bill and the whole Cylon integration question, but it's okay. He's dead and he doesn't have to see any of that.

I think you're right. The writers didn't make him into an evil maniac, but that's on the meta level. In the heroic context of the show universe, Gaeta is thought of as the enemy by everyone except Baltar, and that's what really gets me so upset, because it feels essentially unfair to who he was trying to be, and what he felt pushed into doing by Adama's complete lockdown on dissent.

That's very observant, what you said about the moment with Deck Chief Laird. And on the flip side, I think Zarek did it to bind Gaeta to the cause irrevocably.

Thanks for commenting despite my bad track record at replying lately. On a completely different note: You, me, Rock Band? Sometime soon, maybe? :)
Edited Date: 2009-02-22 05:08 pm (UTC)

Date: 2009-02-22 05:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] morlock.livejournal.com
it was hard fro me too, because honestly he was my favorite character. i identified with him the most, because he was the nebbish quiet one who did he job really well... but in the end i think he wouldn't have been able to handle the fact that the cylons were the 13th tribe and that everyone needed to come together to survive. frankly it seems that the whole mutiny (from a show perspective) was to clean house of any _actual_ decent...the quorum is gone, gaeta and zarek too. the people who were REALLY into the mutiny...everything has been rebalanced towards cylon integration.

i don't think everyone will think of him as a villain tho.. they'll probabyl pity him. think he was misguided, or even worse: think he was swept up into zareks cult of personality.

and i honestly don't know which is worse for our poor boy :-(

Date: 2009-02-22 05:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] morlock.livejournal.com
ALSO. i am a horrible friend i'm sorry :-(

i wanna play rock band, i wanna play your sweet sweet drumset... are you still thinking about that BSG game? cause i'd be down for that...

Date: 2009-02-17 01:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] frolicndetour.livejournal.com
I was expecting Felix's death to come this season, but I was not expecting Felix to not die a hero.

*nod nod* Even as less of a fan of his character, I was pretty shocked by that. There's a part of me that can detach and appreciate it on a storytelling level, and a part of me that thinks it's just not a fitting end to such a noble guy. Gaeta, Dee and Cally all got these utterly horrible deaths that just make it so hard to look at the early versions of their characters, knowing what's going to come of them. It's tragic, and tragedy can be great - but easier to take in a 5-act play than a series requiring years of investment.


I've got to say, I don't really understand the singling out of Kara for particular condemnation. Yes, what the Circle almost did to him was terrible - but I don't think she was worse than any of the others. (In fact, I kind of think her readiness to kill him in a blind rage was less chilling that Chief's readiness to kill him in a spirit of cold deliberation.) And, leaving aside the mutiny, I don't think it was worse than his giving false testimony against Baltar in order to condemn him to death. I had total empathy for that - he assumed Baltar was guilty, he hated himself subconsciously for the Sweet Eight fiasco and saw in Baltar a reflection of that, he felt deeply betrayed... and I think Kara's motivations were very similar. The first real interaction she had with him after that was when she saved his life, even though he had mutinied against her - she risked giving up Earth to tend to him. Yeah, the dig about hitting a cripple was un-PC (though for the record I don't think she meant that any more than she meant that she'd put a bullet between Sam's eyes) - but he said some pretty un-PC things to her too. It's not a pretty trait that she fights back so dirty, but it doesn't make her deserving of death, IMO.


But on a storytelling level, I'll be really upset if the show just goes on without mentioning Gaeta again. I hated that Adama was mortally opposed to using Cylon tech to fix the Galactica this last episode, and didn't mention the mutiny as being one of the reasons. I'd like to think it was intentional and not a total lapse, but I don't know. But I don't think there's any question that Gaeta did not die a villain. That was the whole point of the scene with Baltar - "know who I am" - it was a frakking anvil for anyone who didn't get it. And yeah, some people still won't, but you can lead a horse to water, I suppose. IDK. I'm really sorry you lost your favorite character, though, regardless of how it turns out.

Date: 2009-03-22 04:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lobselvith8.livejournal.com
Now that the series has concluded, it's sad that Gaeta and his short-lived mutiny were glossed over. A lot of places see Gaeta and Zarek as the black hats despite the fact that Roslin and Adama had essentially become dictators. Why do people see Zarek as a bad guy? The same person who asked Jammer to protect Roslin and who refused to work with the Cylons despite the offer of power is now some black hat villain? He refused to work for the Cylons on New Caprica, he willingly handed over his democratically elected presidency to Roslin, and he sided with the people's right to refuse to let an enemy that had murdered billions mess with their FTL drives and less than a week prior killed off Colonial hostages.

Gaeta sided with Zarek because he was fighting for democracy, and we're supposed to root for the people who are giving the RTF a de facto dictatorship? The fact that the mutiny had genuine grievances was pretty much undermined by the idiots who are simply general racists - the Sunshine Boys in particular. However, I doubt that people like Racetrack, who worked with Athena and was friends with Helo, was a racist or sided with the mutiny over any blind hatred of the Cylons - she probably sided with democracy over dictatorship, especially with an untested enemy that wanted to travel freely through the FTL when they hadn't proven themselves as genuine allies and only a few weeks prior murdered innocent people trying to get the Final Four on their Basestar. And Gaeta, a hero of New Caprica, definately would have been a beacon of hope for people who had no other leadership role to turn to with Adama making careless decisions that put the lives of all of humanity on the line.

Why wasn't the fact that Roslin and Adama are dictators touched on in cannon to a greater extent? I'm not surprised in the least, the writers didn't even bother to explain Sharon "let's stop being butchers" Valerii becoming a supporter of John "let's reduce them to a managable size" Cavil. Story-wise, the mutiny only happened to force the humans and Cylons to integrate, and the real problems with the RTF being turned into a dictatorship under Adama and Roslin were ignored to give us brilliant scenes of insight like drunk Lee Adama chasing a pigeon around his house in the finale. Gaeta was a hero who was one of the people who saw the insanity of Adama's dangerous, drunken behavior as leader and decided that enough was enough, and made a heroic but failed attempt to restore the RTF.

To Gaeta's critics, wasn't Lee the one who said (in Zarek's premiere episode "Bastille Day") that if Adama and Roslin didn't respect the elections and the Articles of Colonization, she wasn't the President and he wasn't an Officer by any legal or moral means? No one voted for Roslin, and Adama discarded the legal vote of the Quorum to impose his military might against the wishes of the people when it came to a group that was directly responsible for humanity's holocaust and murdered hostages mere weeks prior. If there was justice, Gaeta would have won the mutiny and lead the RTF to freedom.
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